Davy was very good at drawing, but one day he felt that he was
about to draw something very, very life-like. "Mum," he announced. "I'm
going to draw a very, very life-like picture of - a goblin!"
His mother muttered something about you can't have life-like pictures of things that aren't real, but then mothers often mutter things like that.
Davy got out his pencils and set to work. He gave the goblin green skin, beady little wicked-looking eyes, and a battered hat. He made the teeth all yellow, the fingernails black, and the ears long and pointy.
When he had finished, he looked at the drawing very proudly. "This looks almost like a real goblin," he thought to himself.
Unfortunately, there was no 'almost' about it. The goblin turned round, looked at Davy, then jumped right off the paper.
"Hey!" said Davy. "Get back on the paper, you!"
"Yeeahahaha!" screeched the goblin, and kicked Davy on the nose. Davy tried to grab him, but he leapt to the floor and started tearing a hole in the carpet.
"What's going on, Davy?" came his mother's voice.
"Er, nothing Mum, I drew a spoon instead, that's all," he shouted back.
By now, the goblin was making long scratches on Davy's chair. "Heeee!" he laughed. "This is fun fun fun fun fun!"
Davy decided enough was enough, and suddenly pounced on the goblin, grabbing him by the leg. The goblin struggled, but Davy held on.
Yet the goblin wasn't worried. "What are you going to do?" he giggled. "You can't possibly harm me, I'm a goblin, I'm magical!"
"Whenever I ever make a mistake in a drawing," replied Davy, firmly, "I rub it out!" With that, he hit the goblin hard several times with his pencil, and when the little creature was completely senseless he rubbed him away with the eraser on the other end.
Needless to say, his mother didn't believe any of it when Davy tried to explain the ripped carpet and clawed chair. She made him eat sprouts every day the following week, and three days of the next week, too.
If you ever feel that you're about to draw something very, very life-like, make it a picture of fifty pound note.
Illustration by Roy Bartle
21st January 1999: sbos21.htm