The Marmalade Man

        Willie was just about to start his breakfast when the Marmalade Man appeared. The Marmalade Man was roughly the size of a marmalade jar, and shook his head as he walked over to Willie's bowl.
        "Dearie me, porridge again," said the Marmalade Man. "Tut Tut! Marmalade is so much nicer. Why not try some this morning?"
        "Go away," said Willie. "I've told you before, I don't like marmalade. It's horrid stuff, and it's got bits in it."
        "Well porridge is made of minced eyeballs mixed together with sludge from the bottom of plant pots," said the Marmalade Man.
        Willie tried to hit him with his spoon, but the Marmalade Man simply disappeared.
        Willie's mother came into the room, and noticed that Willie seemed to have gone off his porridge. "Has the Marmalade Man been bothering you again?" she asked.
        Willie nodded.
        "Well this has gone on for quite long enough," said Willie's mother, frowning. "Next time, leave him to me."
        The following day, the Marmalade Man appeared as usual, but found Willie's mother waiting for him.
        "Why not try some marmalade for breakfast?" suggested the Marmalade Man. "It's lovely on toast."
        "Why not try some yourself?" asked Willie's mother, and before he could simply disappear she picked him up and forced him to eat a large dollop of sticky, orange marmalade.
        "Akk! This is horrible!" he screamed. "It tastes like old socks in sea-water! I'll never try to make people eat it ever again, never ever!"
        Willie's mother let the Marmalade man go, whereupon he rudely spat out what was left of the marmalade in his mouth. Then, he bowed and simply disappeared, never to return.
        "Thanks, Mum!" Said Willie, very relieved. "But how did you know he wouldn't like our marmalade? Gran likes it."
        "Because before he came, I rubbed the juice of an old sock on it and sprinkled it all over in salt," she replied, smiling.

So

Mothers can be surprisingly useful at times.

Illustration by Roy Bartle
Image size: approx. 49K.